"Your leather jacket is really important, actually."
Zombies, meat jerky, heckling: confusing.
An explosive, shimmering look. A fall. A hand up. A hug, kisses on cheeks.
The moment before a kiss, that never happened— heat.
Guilt. Acceptance. Smoothness, lead by a hand at the back.
Careful hands. Searching eyes. Trouble, await me!
Alas, back to the waking world I went…
Lavender Town at 5am
Sometimes I look at the backs of my hands and my arms in general doing whatever it is I’m doing and I realise how young I am but so old in comparison to when I watched myself….be when I was a kid.
I look at the veins all lining up to my scarred knuckles and the spots all along the skin and those two damn burn scars on the insides of my forearms…
I look at the rings I wear— a claddaugh I was gifted several years ago, the skeleton I was gifted for my 18th birthday, and the band which is one of a set with Denise wearing the other. They are reminders of where I have been and what I am now, perhaps even what I will never stray from.
My fingernails are always dirty. It’s been blood, motor oil, gasoline, skin, gunk, ink, mud, paint, etc.— physical remainders of the past (good or bad) that stick around until I pick out from underneath them.
These tools of mine have touched and done so many things. When I need a snap back to reality I check my HUD, so to speak. My ever changing arms and strong hands.
You could insert any of our inside jokes here and it would still be one of my cryptic/unrelated titles
It is almost 3am as I write this. October 9th. I’ve been sitting here trying to recall exactly what I was feeling a year ago. I was excited. I was close to bursting. I was grinning every time I read a line and I was everywhere.
I was anticipating the weekend. I was planning to look very sharp and moderately attractive at least. And there you were, looking about the most gorgeous thing I had ever seen.
And so it began that awaited weekend, with our funny group photos and uncertainty. I still feel excited. Fluttery. Everywhere. And now I also feel loved, wanted, stronger, weaker, better, worse, challenged, guilty, different, sexy, softer, more experienced. And yet again, waiting for this weekend, Saturday the 12th.
I love you to the moon and back. You are my favourite book.
Twelves, everyone. Twelves.
People call me a liar more than I can deny
(May 7, 2013)
I heard the news about your mother today.
The masses are whispering she was just lonely and ‘crazy’;
After attending her yearly
Thanksgiving dinners out back,
Befriending her as a sister,
After bringing her gifts when your brother was born,
Condolences a month later when she buried him.
They don’t know her like I do.
Her downward spiral
Was the spiral of the corkscrew
Torqued over and over again.
During and after those dinners,
During- and most of all-
After her womb was full.
Before and during the times she said she was ‘treating’ us
After your father was asleep.
I know all of this because I took the corkscrew
From the drawer when you weren’t looking
To make us both feel better.
I’m using it now; I think she would give me
That same silent understanding.
Maybe when I have the guts,
I’ll twist it into the earth above her
Guard this with your life, please-
(March 8, 2013)
I wore something of yours today;
With my blood, our sweat and tears on the fabric.
And I felt bad then
But not now,
Though I ache at the thought of you
and how you didn’t want to,
but did anyway.
You gave in as I collapsed.
But today is special.
Today is mine.
Gratuitous tattoo photos! Archer symbol, RIOT!, and cute little fly buddy done by Basia Kaminska, vulture done by Matthew Tarkman — both in Redwood City, California. Love ya guys.